I'm lost and stupid without you.
you would pick up someone in the library
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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