is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
