Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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