Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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