i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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