I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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