you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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