I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
