Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Alive.
So much puke
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize