i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
