I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
