oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
