He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
