If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
there is puke in my bra ... again
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
