im about as happy as oj after his trial
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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