the day after is always just damage control
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
