is this the sara with the beer cane?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
