If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
