haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
