I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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