i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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