I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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