he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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