Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
