The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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