i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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