When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
