hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
