I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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