All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
