here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
