Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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