Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
