i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
