would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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