Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
