Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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