she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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