Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
