She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
my being single is dangerous.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize