I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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