I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
