6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
