you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Are my feet made of real feet?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
