yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize