I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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