Come see our sink grown plant.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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