Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize