I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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