just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
