i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
