She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
