when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
