she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
She is in my trunk
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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