Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
