Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I stole a fireplace last night.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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