You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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