The maid of honor just puked.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
