So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
