I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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