I'm really into asian looking animals
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
