hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
