We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
