I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize