I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
