3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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